H A N T S B O ' S




2 ? ? ?

On the Bipedal Workforce of 1994tK66—A Flying Texas

"Determined to establish the theory that modern homo sapiens descended from apes or apelike ancestors existing some 33 million years ago, modern anthropologists are confronted with a gap of 29 million years between Aegyptopithecus at 33 million years and Australopithecus at four million. That gap, which is over nine times in length what they consider the known fossil record is a puzzling anomaly. Why so long a period without any remains of precursors? Is it just a matter of time before some are discovered that will fill in the gap, or at least make a good start on filling it in?

"I suggest that “1994TL66” dashes that prospect with ice-cold water. My friends at NASA are keenly aware that it does just that, and they are not going to release the information. Even the anthropologists are to be left in the dark, for NASA knows they can’t be trusted not to publish the findings to the wide world.

"What, for instance, would they say to my sighting A. afarensis, A. africanus, A. robustus, A. boisei, H. habilis, H. erectus, H. sapiens (archaic), and H. sapiens (Neandertal) on an airborne prototype of Texas flying round the Sun at 41 astronomical units? It was surprising to me to find such a complete roster represented of the last four million years of evolutionary, terrestrial human development, but more interesting to me are the questions: what are they doing there? who employed them? why are so many types of hominids and early homo sapiens present together? don’t they prove that evolutionary theory is open to serious question like any other hypothesis and theory?

"Mr. Aldous Huxx-Lea (that old Voltarian cynic who at least detested sham scientism) would have enjoyed the spectacle, and found satisfaction in discovering that his absolutely brilliant Brave New World portrayal of a nightmare technological utopia of the future was right in part where he divided society into the served and the serving, using Greek letters.

On the 1994TL66 this was obvious from the chains that held them in place in concentration-like stalls and brigades, that they were all slave laborers, classified according to intelligence and physical development.

Since the more primitive hominids were quite naturally hirsute, there was naturally no care taken to give them warm winter clothing, and though all received an alphanumeric brand on the bum nothing more was done to their persons, so that the more “primitive” looked quite like the classic prototypes of humanity concocted by editors and artists, the“more advanced” specimens" of humanity seated behind desks and work tables in the geographic society's headquarters in Washington.

"They were all frozen in place, the chained up poor devils, and it must have been deliberate for I could see not one wannabe escapee frozen to death outside the mine entrance. Whoever managed and lorded it over these wretches got clean away, for there was no sign of anyone else--at least no bodies or remnants. It is plain the wretches knew what was coming, and weren’t so dumb they couldn’t tell they were being abandoned. What contortions and grimaces as they strained to get free of their bonds! It is unbearable to look at! Dachau and the other slave labor camps of Shickelgruber’s Nazis come to mind.

"Were the mine’s operators Atlanteans? Surely, they had been there. I could see their trademark escrutcheon, two serpent columns. etched in the living rock. But the facility is too old in appearance. I can point to no sign of age, but the entire thing was not Atlantean. I am sure of it. The Atlanteans built in certain ways. This looked like an advanced civilization had done the groundwork, installing the mine and barracks and taking out orichalc and transporting it somewhere, but the Atlanteans merely followed up.

"Who preceded the Atlanteans? Why, the Mukalians! But, alas, they are about as elusive as hominid ancestors during the 29 million year gap in the fossil record of the evolutionists. I haven’t had time to look for them, having concentrated on tracking the Atlanteans the last fifteen or so years. Here is my main chance to look for prime Mukalian evidence! I thought, at first glance when the probe penetrated the mine. Somehow, I know there won’t be time. The probe’s life expectancy was not good enough. I had to use it quickly, then send it back immediately to ruffle NASA’s composure a bit. It is always good and necessary to my work to keep the NASA-NRA boys’ teeth on edge, wondering where I will strike next, by furnishing them fresh evidence that they couldn’t keep a thing from me, even this piece of hardware.

"Let them store it on Mars with the other things.

"Now as for the frozen gallery of hominid horror on 1994TL66, let the anthropologists and paleontologists ponder the implications of finding them ALL TOGETHER, al fresco, in the brute flesh! Like the three species of “horse-ancestors” and the modern horse they found fossilized together--how embarrassing and inconvenient! Yet they cooked up a nice explanation: “Now we told you before, class, that this little horsey-prototype with three toes led to this little horsey-improvement with two toes,and finally little Horsey Two Twos mutated into this lovely, modern One Toed specimen, whose’s jawbone and a centimeter of hoof we have recovered from the fossil site in New York’s Central Park.

Ms. Loo Bang Johnson of the University of Santa Barbara Paleontology Department is not with us today to tell you why exactly they now appear to have been located in the same rock strata together, but rest assured that volcanic upheaval mixed them, otherwise they would be found in separate rock strata.

Moreover-- ”

"So, this ought to furnish them sufficient cause for pages and pages of denial in some “Discovery Series” or encyclopedia for impressionable young minds. They’ll go right on publishing the roster as an established, domino-theory fact, that Aegyptopithecus led to A. afarensis and on and on to modern, advanced us, despite the rather embarrassing 29 million year hiatus where all kinds of things mighty have gone on to disprove their neat formula.

Who knows? Perhaps, the bipeds between were dear Huxx-Lea’s “gaseous vertebrates,” or extremely soft, gelatinous bodies, like jellyfish without lasting skeletons, so that there should be no surviving fossil remnants (though we have plenty of such “anomalous” and unexplained specimens, as if they had left photographs of themselves in the stone when they were wiped out in a brief instant). Or there was a catastrophe or series of disasters that wiped out the fossil record for that outstanding amount of time (though so long a period makes it highly improbable). Perhaps, perhaps!

Horror of horrors, perhaps there was no precursor to modern man and the Creationists and Intelligent Design people were right! Perhaps, just perhaps the whole Aegyptopithecus to H. sapiens roster is another Piltdown hoax! Wow. This primate phantasmagoria is enough to make my poor head spin off! What will it do to the anthropologists? If I have them right, they WILL come up with some kind of explanation in place of evidence. It’s their solid training in ideology to always fill in what nature does not handily supply to support their suppositions. No wonder they can slip so easily back and forth, working with the NRA and their various universities.

"I only know for a fact the Atlanteans existed, took over the mining operation on 1994TL66, and then, abruptly, opened the vault doors and left, leaving everything behind. Maybe they had all the orichalc they thought they needed. Or maybe the sinking of the continent severely cut back the need for it--a more distinct possibility.

"Well, unless I get another NASA probe to go back for a second look, I will have to leave the questions for someone else. I’ve got irons in plenty of other fires to keep myself in information well into the next century! That is, if the NRA goons finally figure out how to put a Boy Scout knot together to tie me up!

"On to the next part. The analysis I did on the orichalc sample I took from 1994TL66. It breaks down as an opalescent form of sulphur-based exo-gelatin fossilized and compressed like the brains of the president and editors and governing board of trustees of a certain geographical society magazine to an inpenetrable, diamond-like hardness--"

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